Some Beautiful Quates

“The best advice I can give is to ignore advice.

Life is too short to be distracted by the opinions of others.”

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems

Gandhiji

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems but if u don’t know the answer it help to forgot the Question

Vijay Malya

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Me

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

 Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

 There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – don’t and stop, unless they are used together.

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the Next morning you will have a flat tire.

Live Each Day As If There Is No Tomorrow

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone

Life is good

Must Read............

Tunnel : Software Programmer & Project Manager

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through

the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit

except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her

grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the

young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving

each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch

black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without

saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very

brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she

slapped him.”

The Project manager is sitting there thinking, “I didn’t know the young

tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t

missed him when she slapped me!”

The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed me,

but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!”

The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He

thought to himself, “Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance

to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same

time!”

Munna Bhai MCA

“MunnaBhai MCA

appun jaise tappori s/w Engg. ko kya maalum…

saala programming kis chidiya kaa naam hai…

template me subclassing karke apanaa timepass hota hai….

copy paste kaa kaam miltaa hai bass appun khush…!!!

fir yeh coding kaa lafdaa locha kaiko?

are kaiko ?

arre kaiko re?

fir ek din boleto appun ko project mila…..

ya haaaaaaaaaa!!!!

!

saala appun ka khopdi chakkar kha gaya …

computer ke saath dil saala takkar kha gayaa…!!!

appun ko lagaa appun kaa beda paar ho gaya…

boleto baap saala appun ko bhi kaam mil gaya…!!!

din bhar appun computer ke aagge…

koi lafdaa nahi kuch nahi…

tin din naa Kapil se raada na Jassi se pangaa

bass choop chaap…

appun kaa bhidulog saala dar gaya…

bola kya be manya saala tu bhi programmer bann gaya…!!!

phir ek din appun ko kaam kartaa dekh Manish bola…

ye mannubhai kya coding bana rela hai baap…!!!

Manish ko pakdaa… bola idhar aa shahane tereko coding seekhataa hai…

saale ko itnaa dhoyaa itnaa dhoyaa… abhi tak thobdaa waakadaa hai … aur

aaj tak uska forms ke saath chattis kaa aakdaa hai…!!!

samzaa …?

samzaa…?

samzaaa naa…?

(fir …? fir kya huwa..?)

fir ek din appun ne coding poora kar diya…

form poora karke appun ne testing ko bhej diya…!!!

lagataa tha ab appun kaa kaam khatam ho gaya…!!!

par DTS me issues dekhake sala appun darr gaya…!!!

appun ke saamne tester ne mere coding me ki galtiyaa nikali… aapun ke

coding ki poori waat laga di…. appun udharich khadaa thaa… par appun

kuch nahi bola… kaiko bolega? kaiko…?

saala ek, ek kaam kiya thaa… usme bhi itne bugs…

par appun ek aansu nahi roya…

kaiko royega…?

kaiko..?

saala appunich yedaa thaa naa…!!!

agale din se phir wohi life chalu…

wohi gande mails forward karnaa, wohi messages, wohi template, wohi

assignments… saala itnaa mails forward kiya…itnaa mails forward kiya…

log samze mail server down hoyega… bhoolneka hai bhoolneka hai par kya

karega…!!!

training milke bhi jab kaam nahi miltaa hai…

haa thoda bore huwa par chaltaa hai…

(phir …? phir kya huwa..?)

fir …?

fir kya…?

fir agale din appun ko aur ek project mila…!!!

shaappak…

saala appun ka khopdi phir chakkar kha gaya …

computer ke saath dil saala phir takkar kha gayaa…!!!

ho ho ho hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Munna Bhai MCA

“MunnaBhai MCA

appun jaise tappori s/w Engg. ko kya maalum…

saala programming kis chidiya kaa naam hai…

template me subclassing karke apanaa timepass hota hai….

copy paste kaa kaam miltaa hai bass appun khush…!!!

fir yeh coding kaa lafdaa locha kaiko?

are kaiko ?

arre kaiko re?

fir ek din boleto appun ko project mila…..

ya haaaaaaaaaa!!!!

!

saala appun ka khopdi chakkar kha gaya …

computer ke saath dil saala takkar kha gayaa…!!!

appun ko lagaa appun kaa beda paar ho gaya…

boleto baap saala appun ko bhi kaam mil gaya…!!!

din bhar appun computer ke aagge…

koi lafdaa nahi kuch nahi…

tin din naa Kapil se raada na Jassi se pangaa

bass choop chaap…

appun kaa bhidulog saala dar gaya…

bola kya be manya saala tu bhi programmer bann gaya…!!!

phir ek din appun ko kaam kartaa dekh Manish bola…

ye mannubhai kya coding bana rela hai baap…!!!

Manish ko pakdaa… bola idhar aa shahane tereko coding seekhataa hai…

saale ko itnaa dhoyaa itnaa dhoyaa… abhi tak thobdaa waakadaa hai … aur

aaj tak uska forms ke saath chattis kaa aakdaa hai…!!!

samzaa …?

samzaa…?

samzaaa naa…?

(fir …? fir kya huwa..?)

fir ek din appun ne coding poora kar diya…

form poora karke appun ne testing ko bhej diya…!!!

lagataa tha ab appun kaa kaam khatam ho gaya…!!!

par DTS me issues dekhake sala appun darr gaya…!!!

appun ke saamne tester ne mere coding me ki galtiyaa nikali… aapun ke

coding ki poori waat laga di…. appun udharich khadaa thaa… par appun

kuch nahi bola… kaiko bolega? kaiko…?

saala ek, ek kaam kiya thaa… usme bhi itne bugs…

par appun ek aansu nahi roya…

kaiko royega…?

kaiko..?

saala appunich yedaa thaa naa…!!!

agale din se phir wohi life chalu…

wohi gande mails forward karnaa, wohi messages, wohi template, wohi

assignments… saala itnaa mails forward kiya…itnaa mails forward kiya…

log samze mail server down hoyega… bhoolneka hai bhoolneka hai par kya

karega…!!!

training milke bhi jab kaam nahi miltaa hai…

haa thoda bore huwa par chaltaa hai…

(phir …? phir kya huwa..?)

fir …?

fir kya…?

fir agale din appun ko aur ek project mila…!!!

shaappak…

saala appun ka khopdi phir chakkar kha gaya …

computer ke saath dil saala phir takkar kha gayaa…!!!

ho ho ho hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

10 Reasons

   Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women
     (and what they actually mean)


10. I think of you as a brother.
    (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in
   "Deliverance.")

9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
   (I don't want to do my dad.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
  (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.
  (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear
  phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend.
  (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)

5. I don't date men where I work.
  (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system',
    much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me.
  (It's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career.
  (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better
   than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate.
  (I've sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let's be friends.
  (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating
  detail  about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's the male    
  perspective thing.)


In response...The male perspective on the same issue...

   Top 10 rejection lines given by Men
    (and what they actually mean...)

10. I think of you as a sister.
   (You're ugly.)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
  (You're ugly.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
  (You're ugly.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.
  (You're ugly.)

6. I've got a girlfriend.
  (You're ugly.)

5. I don't date women where I work.
 (You're ugly.)

4. It's not you, it's me.
 (You're ugly.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career.
 (You're ugly.)

2. I'm celibate.
 (You're ugly.)

1. Let's be friends.
 (You're sinfully ugly.)


PASS THIS ON TO AT LEAST 4 PERSONS OR WILL GET REJECTED FOR THE
REST OF YOUR LIFE!

This is too good. don't miss it!

This is too good. don't miss it!

HI! THESE ARE THE FEW ESSENCE OF LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! -

Money is not everything.

There's Mastercard & Visa.

One should love animals.

They are so tasty.

Save water.

Shower with your friend.

Love thy neighbor.

But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman.

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

A successful man is one who can earn more than his wife can spend.

A Successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Wise never marry.

and when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term.

It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow

what you can put off today.

This is too good. don't miss it!

This is too good. don't miss it!

HI! THESE ARE THE FEW ESSENCE OF LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! -

Money is not everything.

There's Mastercard & Visa.

One should love animals.

They are so tasty.

Save water.

Shower with your friend.

Love thy neighbor.

But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman.

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

A successful man is one who can earn more than his wife can spend.

A Successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Wise never marry.

and when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term.

It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow

what you can put off today.

Top Ten Reasons Why It's Great To Be A Dog

Top Ten Reasons Why It's Great To Be A Dog

1. If it itches, you can reach it. And no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public.

2. No one notices if you have hair growing in weird places as you get older.

3. Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to take a bath every day, and you don't even have to comb your own hair.

4. Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health.

5. No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some people might actually think you're cute.

6. Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone or an old shoe can entertain you for hours.

7. You can spend hours just smelling stuff.

8. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner. You never have to worry about table manners, and if you gain weight, it's someone else's fault.

9. It doesn't take much to make you happy. You're always excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five minutes and come back.

10. Every garbage can looks like a cold buffet to you.

Some Comparisons

1. Girl and a Guitar: Both are pressed at the TOP
and PLAYED at the BOTTOM.
2. Girl and a Jet: A jet has a cock-pit and a Girl
has a Cock in the pit.
3. the SKY and the SKIRT. SKY : Covers whole of
universe SKIRT : Covers universal hole !
4. the SHIP and the GIRL. SHIP : Cuts through the water GIRL : Waters through the cut
5. GIRL in the church and the girl in the bath tub. Girl in the church will have soul full of hope Girl in bath tub will have hole full of soap
6. MEN's cricket and WOMEN's cricket MEN's cricket : There is a short leg between two long legs> WOMEN's cricket : There is a gully between two fine legs
7. the PHOTO and the GIRL PHOTO : Shot in the open and development is   done in the dark room GIRL : Shot in the dark room and development takes
place in open

Computer and Gender

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns,
unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine
or feminine. Things like "chalk"or "pencil," she described,
would have a gender association - even though in English, these words
were neutral. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked,
"What gender is a computer?"
The teacher wasn't certain, so divided the class into two groups and asked
them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine.
One group was composed of the women in the class, and the other, of men.
Both groups were asked to give four reasons for recommendation. The group of
women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender
because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve yourproblems, but half the time they
are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that,if you had waited a little
longer, you could have had a better model.!!!!

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be
referred to as the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate withother computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later
retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half
your paycheck on accessories for it.!!!!

Life

Life

Life isn't about keeping score.
It's not about how many friends you have
Or how accepted you are.
Not about if you have plans this weekend or if
you're alone.
It isn't about who you're dating, who you used to
date, how many
people you've dated, or if you haven't been with
anyone at all.
It isn't about who you have kissed,
It's not about sex.
It isn't about who your family is or how much money
they have
Or what kind of car you drive.
Or where you are sent to school.
It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are.
Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on,
or what kind of
music you listen to.
It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black,
or brown
Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
Not about what grades you get, how smart you are,
how smart
everybody else thinks you are, or how smart
standardized tests say you
are.
It's not about what clubs you're in or how good you
are at "your"
sport.
It's not about representing your whole being on a
piece of paper
and seeing who will "accept the written you."

LIFE JUST ISN'T.

But, life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It's about who you make happy or unhappy
purposefully.
It's about keeping or betraying trust.
It's about friendship, used as a sanctity or a
weapon.
It's about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful,
maybe heartening.
About starting rumors and contributing to petty
gossip.
It's about what judgments you pass and why. And
who your
judgments are spread to.
It's about who you've ignored with full control and
intention.
It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge.
It's about carrying inner hate and love, letting it
grow, and
spreading it.
But most of all, it's about using your life to
touch or poison
other people's hearts in such a way that could have
never occurred
alone.
Only you choose the way those hearts are affected,
and those
choices are what life's all about.

Love Letter

love letter

420,johny mera naam

c/o,shree 420

piya ka ghar

choukee no 11

Teesari manzil

chinagate

chinatown

jis des mei ganga baheti hai

pin  :- Do aur do panch
Date:- nav do gyarah


My dear milan,
                       you must be surprized to receive this prem patra from me on this kora kagaz. let me make my pehchaan to you as Dilwale dulhaniya le jayenge. My mother calles me Raja and my father's name is Hindustani hense i am known as Raja Hindustani.

Though i am an Awaara. I am neither a Pagal kahin ka nor a Laawaris. I am your Deewana and you know what Deewana mujhsa nahin.

Kabhie kabhie when i look in to your Ankhen then Kuch kuch hota hai mere     
Dil mein and Jigar mein because of your Yadon ki barat and you are so Khoobsurat.

I tried not to say Maine pyar kiya but could not since yesterday Raat only you come in my Sapnay Aur pyar ho gaya after that because Dil hai ki manta nahin.

I know that my Dil to pagal hai but is mein Dil ka kya kasoor? after all Pyar to hona hi tha.

I am making you a Prarthna to cross the Border and enter my Zindagi as a Priyatama. Hope that your Ashiqi is written in my Naseeb even though i do not have any Sambandh with you. I still consider you as my Dream girl with Lal dupatta mal mal ka.

There are only Do raste left for me. One is to get your Amar prem by Tyaag or to go the Rangeela way. Other than that is only Akhari raasta which will lead me from Quyamat se quyamat tak and then Anjaam Ramjaane.

Would not you like to be Mere jivan saathi as you are Lakhon mein ek?. I also hope that you will Guide me in Bahar, or atleast in it's Aur pas and then we will have Dance Dance as we are made for Ek duje ke liye and i am good Disco Dancer too.

We will live in Naya zamana but Zamane se kya darna as we will have nothing but Anand in Yeh dillagi with me as your Suhag.

Aren’t you bored of Akele hum akele tum Zindagi? Let this Baazigar be your Boy friend and then we start our Pehli mohhabat. This chahat is going to lead to a Milan on our heart's Platform. When you are going to tell me everyday Aao pyar kare and i will earn Roti kapada aur makan for you.

On this Judai is causing me Dard. Now, phir kab miloge as Tum se achha kaun hai? I am sure that Kabhie na kabhie that will happen as you know my Love is Himalay se uncha and hopefully our mulakat will be an Evening in paris or may be Love in tokya or atleast we will have Sangam in any Pardesh.

Aa gale lag ja or mat bol Hum apke hai kaun...? Hum hai Prem pujari not Dushman. Is Soldier ko aap ke Prem ki Dil se Intezaar in atleast within 100 days.

If i don't get a Jawaab, in woh saat din, i have this Darr that i will turn in to a Lootere. Because Pyar zukta nahin and you know that Jab pyar kisi se hota hai it becomes a Baazi for me where Dilwale kabhie na haare. Though i used to be a Ziddi after i purified my Karm. My friends say that Raju ban gaya gentelmen. But trust me Jawab hum denge,  Kasam se.

I don't want to turn this Do beegha zameen into Sholay in my Intequam with the help of my three of my Saat hindustani friends named Amar akbar anthony who becomes Doqait kings in Ramgadh ke sholay.

This is a Paapi duniya and if you make me Ghayal then i am being Sarfarosh and i will trap you in Aaj ka gundaraj and burn you with the Tezaab of my Aakrosh.

But i know after Saat rang ke sapne yeh Haseena man jayegi and i want to said you very loudly that I love you because is mein Dil ka kya kasoor. I want to become your Hero like a Hero hindustani because Hum apke dil mein rehte hai and know that you also have this Prem rog for me now i hope that you begin with me our Love story.

Chalte chalte one more thing that Pyar kiya to darna kya my dear
with Love and more and more Love love love.

Aap ke sajan

Gupt