Some Beautiful Quates

“The best advice I can give is to ignore advice.

Life is too short to be distracted by the opinions of others.”

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems

Gandhiji

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems but if u don’t know the answer it help to forgot the Question

Vijay Malya

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Me

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

 Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

 There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – don’t and stop, unless they are used together.

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the Next morning you will have a flat tire.

Live Each Day As If There Is No Tomorrow

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone

LIGHTER and cigarette

LIGHTER and cigarette

Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don’t have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?

Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become LIGHTER……..using this LIGHTER you can light the other cigarette

another deadly answer. scroll down a little

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Another solution:

You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette

If that was not enough, one more deadly answer…. scroll down

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Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop…(TIP – TIP)  “TIP TIP barsa Pani.Pani ne aag lagayee.” us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee”.

Hehehehehehe

Well I don’t smoke.

LIGHTER and cigarette

LIGHTER and cigarette

Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don’t have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?

Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become LIGHTER……..using this LIGHTER you can light the other cigarette

another deadly answer. scroll down a little

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Another solution:

You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette

If that was not enough, one more deadly answer…. scroll down

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Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop…(TIP – TIP)  “TIP TIP barsa Pani.Pani ne aag lagayee.” us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee”.

Hehehehehehe

Well I don’t smoke.

10 Reasons

   Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women
     (and what they actually mean)


10. I think of you as a brother.
    (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in
   "Deliverance.")

9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
   (I don't want to do my dad.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
  (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.
  (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear
  phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend.
  (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)

5. I don't date men where I work.
  (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system',
    much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me.
  (It's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career.
  (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better
   than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate.
  (I've sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let's be friends.
  (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating
  detail  about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's the male    
  perspective thing.)


In response...The male perspective on the same issue...

   Top 10 rejection lines given by Men
    (and what they actually mean...)

10. I think of you as a sister.
   (You're ugly.)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
  (You're ugly.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
  (You're ugly.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.
  (You're ugly.)

6. I've got a girlfriend.
  (You're ugly.)

5. I don't date women where I work.
 (You're ugly.)

4. It's not you, it's me.
 (You're ugly.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career.
 (You're ugly.)

2. I'm celibate.
 (You're ugly.)

1. Let's be friends.
 (You're sinfully ugly.)


PASS THIS ON TO AT LEAST 4 PERSONS OR WILL GET REJECTED FOR THE
REST OF YOUR LIFE!

This is too good. don't miss it!

This is too good. don't miss it!

HI! THESE ARE THE FEW ESSENCE OF LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! -

Money is not everything.

There's Mastercard & Visa.

One should love animals.

They are so tasty.

Save water.

Shower with your friend.

Love thy neighbor.

But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman.

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

A successful man is one who can earn more than his wife can spend.

A Successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Wise never marry.

and when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term.

It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow

what you can put off today.

This is too good. don't miss it!

This is too good. don't miss it!

HI! THESE ARE THE FEW ESSENCE OF LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! -

Money is not everything.

There's Mastercard & Visa.

One should love animals.

They are so tasty.

Save water.

Shower with your friend.

Love thy neighbor.

But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman.

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

A successful man is one who can earn more than his wife can spend.

A Successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Wise never marry.

and when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term.

It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow

what you can put off today.

Top Ten Reasons Why It's Great To Be A Dog

Top Ten Reasons Why It's Great To Be A Dog

1. If it itches, you can reach it. And no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public.

2. No one notices if you have hair growing in weird places as you get older.

3. Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to take a bath every day, and you don't even have to comb your own hair.

4. Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health.

5. No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some people might actually think you're cute.

6. Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone or an old shoe can entertain you for hours.

7. You can spend hours just smelling stuff.

8. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner. You never have to worry about table manners, and if you gain weight, it's someone else's fault.

9. It doesn't take much to make you happy. You're always excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five minutes and come back.

10. Every garbage can looks like a cold buffet to you.

Some Comparisons

1. Girl and a Guitar: Both are pressed at the TOP
and PLAYED at the BOTTOM.
2. Girl and a Jet: A jet has a cock-pit and a Girl
has a Cock in the pit.
3. the SKY and the SKIRT. SKY : Covers whole of
universe SKIRT : Covers universal hole !
4. the SHIP and the GIRL. SHIP : Cuts through the water GIRL : Waters through the cut
5. GIRL in the church and the girl in the bath tub. Girl in the church will have soul full of hope Girl in bath tub will have hole full of soap
6. MEN's cricket and WOMEN's cricket MEN's cricket : There is a short leg between two long legs> WOMEN's cricket : There is a gully between two fine legs
7. the PHOTO and the GIRL PHOTO : Shot in the open and development is   done in the dark room GIRL : Shot in the dark room and development takes
place in open

Computer and Gender

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns,
unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine
or feminine. Things like "chalk"or "pencil," she described,
would have a gender association - even though in English, these words
were neutral. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked,
"What gender is a computer?"
The teacher wasn't certain, so divided the class into two groups and asked
them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine.
One group was composed of the women in the class, and the other, of men.
Both groups were asked to give four reasons for recommendation. The group of
women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender
because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve yourproblems, but half the time they
are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that,if you had waited a little
longer, you could have had a better model.!!!!

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be
referred to as the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate withother computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later
retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half
your paycheck on accessories for it.!!!!

Life

Life

Life isn't about keeping score.
It's not about how many friends you have
Or how accepted you are.
Not about if you have plans this weekend or if
you're alone.
It isn't about who you're dating, who you used to
date, how many
people you've dated, or if you haven't been with
anyone at all.
It isn't about who you have kissed,
It's not about sex.
It isn't about who your family is or how much money
they have
Or what kind of car you drive.
Or where you are sent to school.
It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are.
Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on,
or what kind of
music you listen to.
It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black,
or brown
Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
Not about what grades you get, how smart you are,
how smart
everybody else thinks you are, or how smart
standardized tests say you
are.
It's not about what clubs you're in or how good you
are at "your"
sport.
It's not about representing your whole being on a
piece of paper
and seeing who will "accept the written you."

LIFE JUST ISN'T.

But, life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It's about who you make happy or unhappy
purposefully.
It's about keeping or betraying trust.
It's about friendship, used as a sanctity or a
weapon.
It's about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful,
maybe heartening.
About starting rumors and contributing to petty
gossip.
It's about what judgments you pass and why. And
who your
judgments are spread to.
It's about who you've ignored with full control and
intention.
It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge.
It's about carrying inner hate and love, letting it
grow, and
spreading it.
But most of all, it's about using your life to
touch or poison
other people's hearts in such a way that could have
never occurred
alone.
Only you choose the way those hearts are affected,
and those
choices are what life's all about.

What is Love R u in love

Are you really in love? 

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing And is your voice caught within your chest? It isn't love, it's LIKE. You can't keep your eyes off of them, Am I right? It isn't love, it's LUST. Are you proud, and eager to show them off? It isn't love, it's LUCK Do you want them because you know they're there? It isn't love, it's LONELINESS Are you there because it's what everyone wants? It isn't love, it's LOYALTY Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt them? It isn't love, it's PITY Do you belong to them because their sight makes you heart skip a beat? It isn't love, it's INFATUATION Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand? It isn't love, it's UNCONFIDENCE. Do you pardon their faults because you care about them? It isn't love, it's FRIENDSHIP Do you tell them everyday they are the only one you think of? It isn't love, it's a LIE. Are you willing to give up all of your favorite things for their sake? It isn't love, it's CHARITY But do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and elation pulls you close and holds you? Does your heart ache and break when they're sad? Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong? Do you accept their faults because they're part of who they are? Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts? Would you give them your heart, your life, your death? Then it's LOVE......

Some Funny Things About Bihari's

Some Funny Things About Bihari's

THE PROF
========

This is an incident which happened in a college In Bihar. A new  lecturer (also a Bihari professor) was unable to control the class. The guys were just talking without giving any attention to him. So > he wanted to send a guy who was creating most of the problem out, but he doesn't know how to put it in English. He went near the guy.  Shouted "follow me". The guy followed him till he went out of the class. Now the lecturer turned back and again shouted"Don't follow me" and went inside the class..........

***OTHER LEGENDS ***
  =============
Prof. Bihari Inside the Class :
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* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
* Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
* Cut an apple into two equal halves - take the bigger half.
* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the
*corridor
* You, meet me behind the class. ( meaning AFTER the   class.)
* Both of u three, go and stand in the four corners of the class.
* Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today.
* Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
*********************

About his family :
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* I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)

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At the ground :
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* All of you, stand in a straight circle.
* There is no wind in the balloon.



To a boy, angrily :
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* I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?



Meting out punishment :
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* You, rotate the ground four times...
* You, go and under-stand the tree...
* You three of you, stand together separately.
* Why are you late - say YES or NO ....(?)



Sir at his best :
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• Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did  not see them.  So the next day at school... ( to that boy ) - "Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre"