The Most Amazing Thought and Quotes

The Most Amazing Thought and Quotes

“The best advice I can give is to ignore advice.

Life is too short to be distracted by the opinions of others.”

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems

Gandhiji

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems but if u don’t know the answer it help to forgot the Question

Vijay Malya

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Me

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

 Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

 There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – don’t and stop, unless they are used together.

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the Next morning you will have a flat tire.

Live Each Day As If There Is No Tomorrow

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone

Read and enjoy the Signs

Read and enjoy the Signs

Read and enjoy the Signs…………………………………

# Sign on a  railway station at Patna:

Aana free, jaana  free,

pakde gaye to khana free.

#  Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay:

Don’t whistle at the girl going out from here.

She may be your grandmother!

# Seen on a  bulletin board:

Success is  relative

More the success, more the relatives.

# Sign at a  barber’s saloon in Juhu, Bombay:

we need your  heads to run our business.

# A traffic  slogan:

Don’t let your kids drive if they are not old enough – or else they never will  be…..

#THE BEST ONE:

Its God’s responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations

It’s our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god.”

- Indian Armed Forces 

Some Beautiful Quates

“The best advice I can give is to ignore advice.

Life is too short to be distracted by the opinions of others.”

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems

Gandhiji

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems but if u don’t know the answer it help to forgot the Question

Vijay Malya

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Me

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

 Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

 There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – don’t and stop, unless they are used together.

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the Next morning you will have a flat tire.

Live Each Day As If There Is No Tomorrow

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone

10 Reasons

   Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women
     (and what they actually mean)


10. I think of you as a brother.
    (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in
   "Deliverance.")

9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
   (I don't want to do my dad.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
  (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.
  (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear
  phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend.
  (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)

5. I don't date men where I work.
  (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system',
    much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me.
  (It's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career.
  (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better
   than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate.
  (I've sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let's be friends.
  (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating
  detail  about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's the male    
  perspective thing.)


In response...The male perspective on the same issue...

   Top 10 rejection lines given by Men
    (and what they actually mean...)

10. I think of you as a sister.
   (You're ugly.)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
  (You're ugly.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
  (You're ugly.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.
  (You're ugly.)

6. I've got a girlfriend.
  (You're ugly.)

5. I don't date women where I work.
 (You're ugly.)

4. It's not you, it's me.
 (You're ugly.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career.
 (You're ugly.)

2. I'm celibate.
 (You're ugly.)

1. Let's be friends.
 (You're sinfully ugly.)


PASS THIS ON TO AT LEAST 4 PERSONS OR WILL GET REJECTED FOR THE
REST OF YOUR LIFE!

This is too good. don't miss it!

This is too good. don't miss it!

HI! THESE ARE THE FEW ESSENCE OF LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! -

Money is not everything.

There's Mastercard & Visa.

One should love animals.

They are so tasty.

Save water.

Shower with your friend.

Love thy neighbor.

But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman.

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

A successful man is one who can earn more than his wife can spend.

A Successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Wise never marry.

and when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term.

It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow

what you can put off today.

This is too good. don't miss it!

This is too good. don't miss it!

HI! THESE ARE THE FEW ESSENCE OF LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! -

Money is not everything.

There's Mastercard & Visa.

One should love animals.

They are so tasty.

Save water.

Shower with your friend.

Love thy neighbor.

But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman.

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

A successful man is one who can earn more than his wife can spend.

A Successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Wise never marry.

and when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term.

It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow

what you can put off today.

Top Ten Reasons Why It's Great To Be A Dog

Top Ten Reasons Why It's Great To Be A Dog

1. If it itches, you can reach it. And no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public.

2. No one notices if you have hair growing in weird places as you get older.

3. Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to take a bath every day, and you don't even have to comb your own hair.

4. Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health.

5. No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some people might actually think you're cute.

6. Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone or an old shoe can entertain you for hours.

7. You can spend hours just smelling stuff.

8. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner. You never have to worry about table manners, and if you gain weight, it's someone else's fault.

9. It doesn't take much to make you happy. You're always excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five minutes and come back.

10. Every garbage can looks like a cold buffet to you.

WELL...here's a few reasons why guys like girls!

WELL...here's a few reasons why guys like girls!
  
  1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo
  2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
  3. How cute they look when they sleep
  4. the ease in which they fit into our arms
  5. the way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the
  world
  6. How cute they are when they eat
  7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all
  worth while
  8. because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside
  9. the way they look good no matter what they wear
  10. the way they fish for compliments even though you both know that
     you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth
  11. How cute they are when they argue
  12. the way her hand always finds yours
  13. the way they smile
  14. the way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just
  had a big fight
  15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an
  hour later....
  16. the way they kiss when you do something nice for them
  17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you
  18. Actually ... just the way they kiss you...
  19. the way they fall into your arms when they cry
  20. then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly
  21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt
  22. Then the way apologize when it does hurt...(even though we don't admit
  it)!
  23. the way they say "I miss you"
  24. the way you miss them
  25. the way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't
  hurt her anymore.....Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they
  would die or know that you would die without them ... it matters not.
  Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become
  everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths
  of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you
  know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings
  of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, No paper would do it
  justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt.

Some Comparisons

1. Girl and a Guitar: Both are pressed at the TOP
and PLAYED at the BOTTOM.
2. Girl and a Jet: A jet has a cock-pit and a Girl
has a Cock in the pit.
3. the SKY and the SKIRT. SKY : Covers whole of
universe SKIRT : Covers universal hole !
4. the SHIP and the GIRL. SHIP : Cuts through the water GIRL : Waters through the cut
5. GIRL in the church and the girl in the bath tub. Girl in the church will have soul full of hope Girl in bath tub will have hole full of soap
6. MEN's cricket and WOMEN's cricket MEN's cricket : There is a short leg between two long legs> WOMEN's cricket : There is a gully between two fine legs
7. the PHOTO and the GIRL PHOTO : Shot in the open and development is   done in the dark room GIRL : Shot in the dark room and development takes
place in open

Computer and Gender

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns,
unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine
or feminine. Things like "chalk"or "pencil," she described,
would have a gender association - even though in English, these words
were neutral. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked,
"What gender is a computer?"
The teacher wasn't certain, so divided the class into two groups and asked
them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine.
One group was composed of the women in the class, and the other, of men.
Both groups were asked to give four reasons for recommendation. The group of
women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender
because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve yourproblems, but half the time they
are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that,if you had waited a little
longer, you could have had a better model.!!!!

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be
referred to as the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate withother computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later
retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half
your paycheck on accessories for it.!!!!

Life

Life

Life isn't about keeping score.
It's not about how many friends you have
Or how accepted you are.
Not about if you have plans this weekend or if
you're alone.
It isn't about who you're dating, who you used to
date, how many
people you've dated, or if you haven't been with
anyone at all.
It isn't about who you have kissed,
It's not about sex.
It isn't about who your family is or how much money
they have
Or what kind of car you drive.
Or where you are sent to school.
It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are.
Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on,
or what kind of
music you listen to.
It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black,
or brown
Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
Not about what grades you get, how smart you are,
how smart
everybody else thinks you are, or how smart
standardized tests say you
are.
It's not about what clubs you're in or how good you
are at "your"
sport.
It's not about representing your whole being on a
piece of paper
and seeing who will "accept the written you."

LIFE JUST ISN'T.

But, life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It's about who you make happy or unhappy
purposefully.
It's about keeping or betraying trust.
It's about friendship, used as a sanctity or a
weapon.
It's about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful,
maybe heartening.
About starting rumors and contributing to petty
gossip.
It's about what judgments you pass and why. And
who your
judgments are spread to.
It's about who you've ignored with full control and
intention.
It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge.
It's about carrying inner hate and love, letting it
grow, and
spreading it.
But most of all, it's about using your life to
touch or poison
other people's hearts in such a way that could have
never occurred
alone.
Only you choose the way those hearts are affected,
and those
choices are what life's all about.

What is Love R u in love

Are you really in love? 

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing And is your voice caught within your chest? It isn't love, it's LIKE. You can't keep your eyes off of them, Am I right? It isn't love, it's LUST. Are you proud, and eager to show them off? It isn't love, it's LUCK Do you want them because you know they're there? It isn't love, it's LONELINESS Are you there because it's what everyone wants? It isn't love, it's LOYALTY Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt them? It isn't love, it's PITY Do you belong to them because their sight makes you heart skip a beat? It isn't love, it's INFATUATION Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand? It isn't love, it's UNCONFIDENCE. Do you pardon their faults because you care about them? It isn't love, it's FRIENDSHIP Do you tell them everyday they are the only one you think of? It isn't love, it's a LIE. Are you willing to give up all of your favorite things for their sake? It isn't love, it's CHARITY But do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and elation pulls you close and holds you? Does your heart ache and break when they're sad? Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong? Do you accept their faults because they're part of who they are? Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts? Would you give them your heart, your life, your death? Then it's LOVE......

Man and Woman

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be
obvious by now

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat
a lot

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you
ever think about??

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby
thighs

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something
expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today that
you're really
not
going to like

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and
find a good game
on TV

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead


MEN'S ENGLISH:

I'm hungry = I'm hungry

I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy

I'm tired = I'm tired

Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like
to have sex with
you

Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like
to have sex with
you

Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to
have sex with you

May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have
sex with you

Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to
fondle you

What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the
question

I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?

I love you = Let's have sex now

I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we'd better have
sex now!

Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing
that I am a deep
person
and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me

Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for
you to have sex
with
other guys

I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well
together = I am gay

Funny Quotes

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Why is pubic hair always curly?
Otherwise it'll poke your eyes

What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery guy have in common?
They can smell it but they can't eat it!

What's a man's idea of foreplay?
Half an hour of begging.

What's the best way to make your wife scream when you're having sex?
Call her up and tell her where you are.

Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

what's the difference between your wife and your job?
After 5 years your job still sucks.

What's the best thing about a blow job?
Ten minutes of silence.

Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.

What's the difference between a slut and a bitch?
A slut will have sex with anyone, a bitch will have sex with anyone but you.

What do Kodak film have in common with condoms?
Both capture the moment.