Life is good

Must Read............

Tunnel : Software Programmer & Project Manager

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through

the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit

except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her

grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the

young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving

each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch

black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without

saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very

brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she

slapped him.”

The Project manager is sitting there thinking, “I didn’t know the young

tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t

missed him when she slapped me!”

The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed me,

but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!”

The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He

thought to himself, “Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance

to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same

time!”

Inspirational Story A Superb Thought For Our Life

A Superb Thought for our day to day life


There once was a farmer who discovered that he had lost his watch in the barn. It was no ordinary watch because it had sentimental value for him. After searching high and low among the hay for a long while; he gave up and enlisted the help of a group of children playing outside the barn.


He promised them that the person who found it would be rewarded.


Hearing this, the children hurried inside the barn, went through and around the entire stack of hay but still could not find the watch. Just when the farmer was about to give up looking for his watch, a little boy went up to him and asked to be given another chance.


The farmer looked at him and thought, "Why not? After all, this kid looks sincere enough."


So the farmer sent the little boy back in the barn. After a while the little boy came out with the watch in his hand! The farmer was both happy and surprised and so he asked the boy how he succeeded where the rest had failed.


The boy replied, "I did nothing but sit on the ground and listen. In the silence, I heard the ticking of the watch and just looked for it in that direction."


Moral:


A peaceful mind can think better than a worked up mind. Allow a few minutes of silence to your mind every day, and see, how sharply it helps you to set your life the way you expect it to be...!

LIGHTER and cigarette

LIGHTER and cigarette

Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don’t have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?

Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become LIGHTER……..using this LIGHTER you can light the other cigarette

another deadly answer. scroll down a little

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Another solution:

You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette

If that was not enough, one more deadly answer…. scroll down

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Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop…(TIP – TIP)  “TIP TIP barsa Pani.Pani ne aag lagayee.” us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee”.

Hehehehehehe

Well I don’t smoke.

LIGHTER and cigarette

LIGHTER and cigarette

Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don’t have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?

Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become LIGHTER……..using this LIGHTER you can light the other cigarette

another deadly answer. scroll down a little

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Another solution:

You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette

If that was not enough, one more deadly answer…. scroll down

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop…(TIP – TIP)  “TIP TIP barsa Pani.Pani ne aag lagayee.” us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee”.

Hehehehehehe

Well I don’t smoke.

Munna Bhai MCA

“MunnaBhai MCA

appun jaise tappori s/w Engg. ko kya maalum…

saala programming kis chidiya kaa naam hai…

template me subclassing karke apanaa timepass hota hai….

copy paste kaa kaam miltaa hai bass appun khush…!!!

fir yeh coding kaa lafdaa locha kaiko?

are kaiko ?

arre kaiko re?

fir ek din boleto appun ko project mila…..

ya haaaaaaaaaa!!!!

!

saala appun ka khopdi chakkar kha gaya …

computer ke saath dil saala takkar kha gayaa…!!!

appun ko lagaa appun kaa beda paar ho gaya…

boleto baap saala appun ko bhi kaam mil gaya…!!!

din bhar appun computer ke aagge…

koi lafdaa nahi kuch nahi…

tin din naa Kapil se raada na Jassi se pangaa

bass choop chaap…

appun kaa bhidulog saala dar gaya…

bola kya be manya saala tu bhi programmer bann gaya…!!!

phir ek din appun ko kaam kartaa dekh Manish bola…

ye mannubhai kya coding bana rela hai baap…!!!

Manish ko pakdaa… bola idhar aa shahane tereko coding seekhataa hai…

saale ko itnaa dhoyaa itnaa dhoyaa… abhi tak thobdaa waakadaa hai … aur

aaj tak uska forms ke saath chattis kaa aakdaa hai…!!!

samzaa …?

samzaa…?

samzaaa naa…?

(fir …? fir kya huwa..?)

fir ek din appun ne coding poora kar diya…

form poora karke appun ne testing ko bhej diya…!!!

lagataa tha ab appun kaa kaam khatam ho gaya…!!!

par DTS me issues dekhake sala appun darr gaya…!!!

appun ke saamne tester ne mere coding me ki galtiyaa nikali… aapun ke

coding ki poori waat laga di…. appun udharich khadaa thaa… par appun

kuch nahi bola… kaiko bolega? kaiko…?

saala ek, ek kaam kiya thaa… usme bhi itne bugs…

par appun ek aansu nahi roya…

kaiko royega…?

kaiko..?

saala appunich yedaa thaa naa…!!!

agale din se phir wohi life chalu…

wohi gande mails forward karnaa, wohi messages, wohi template, wohi

assignments… saala itnaa mails forward kiya…itnaa mails forward kiya…

log samze mail server down hoyega… bhoolneka hai bhoolneka hai par kya

karega…!!!

training milke bhi jab kaam nahi miltaa hai…

haa thoda bore huwa par chaltaa hai…

(phir …? phir kya huwa..?)

fir …?

fir kya…?

fir agale din appun ko aur ek project mila…!!!

shaappak…

saala appun ka khopdi phir chakkar kha gaya …

computer ke saath dil saala phir takkar kha gayaa…!!!

ho ho ho hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Munna Bhai MCA

“MunnaBhai MCA

appun jaise tappori s/w Engg. ko kya maalum…

saala programming kis chidiya kaa naam hai…

template me subclassing karke apanaa timepass hota hai….

copy paste kaa kaam miltaa hai bass appun khush…!!!

fir yeh coding kaa lafdaa locha kaiko?

are kaiko ?

arre kaiko re?

fir ek din boleto appun ko project mila…..

ya haaaaaaaaaa!!!!

!

saala appun ka khopdi chakkar kha gaya …

computer ke saath dil saala takkar kha gayaa…!!!

appun ko lagaa appun kaa beda paar ho gaya…

boleto baap saala appun ko bhi kaam mil gaya…!!!

din bhar appun computer ke aagge…

koi lafdaa nahi kuch nahi…

tin din naa Kapil se raada na Jassi se pangaa

bass choop chaap…

appun kaa bhidulog saala dar gaya…

bola kya be manya saala tu bhi programmer bann gaya…!!!

phir ek din appun ko kaam kartaa dekh Manish bola…

ye mannubhai kya coding bana rela hai baap…!!!

Manish ko pakdaa… bola idhar aa shahane tereko coding seekhataa hai…

saale ko itnaa dhoyaa itnaa dhoyaa… abhi tak thobdaa waakadaa hai … aur

aaj tak uska forms ke saath chattis kaa aakdaa hai…!!!

samzaa …?

samzaa…?

samzaaa naa…?

(fir …? fir kya huwa..?)

fir ek din appun ne coding poora kar diya…

form poora karke appun ne testing ko bhej diya…!!!

lagataa tha ab appun kaa kaam khatam ho gaya…!!!

par DTS me issues dekhake sala appun darr gaya…!!!

appun ke saamne tester ne mere coding me ki galtiyaa nikali… aapun ke

coding ki poori waat laga di…. appun udharich khadaa thaa… par appun

kuch nahi bola… kaiko bolega? kaiko…?

saala ek, ek kaam kiya thaa… usme bhi itne bugs…

par appun ek aansu nahi roya…

kaiko royega…?

kaiko..?

saala appunich yedaa thaa naa…!!!

agale din se phir wohi life chalu…

wohi gande mails forward karnaa, wohi messages, wohi template, wohi

assignments… saala itnaa mails forward kiya…itnaa mails forward kiya…

log samze mail server down hoyega… bhoolneka hai bhoolneka hai par kya

karega…!!!

training milke bhi jab kaam nahi miltaa hai…

haa thoda bore huwa par chaltaa hai…

(phir …? phir kya huwa..?)

fir …?

fir kya…?

fir agale din appun ko aur ek project mila…!!!

shaappak…

saala appun ka khopdi phir chakkar kha gaya …

computer ke saath dil saala phir takkar kha gayaa…!!!

ho ho ho hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

This is too good. don't miss it!

This is too good. don't miss it!

HI! THESE ARE THE FEW ESSENCE OF LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! -

Money is not everything.

There's Mastercard & Visa.

One should love animals.

They are so tasty.

Save water.

Shower with your friend.

Love thy neighbor.

But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman.

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

A successful man is one who can earn more than his wife can spend.

A Successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Wise never marry.

and when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term.

It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow

what you can put off today.

This is too good. don't miss it!

This is too good. don't miss it!

HI! THESE ARE THE FEW ESSENCE OF LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! -

Money is not everything.

There's Mastercard & Visa.

One should love animals.

They are so tasty.

Save water.

Shower with your friend.

Love thy neighbor.

But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman.

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

A successful man is one who can earn more than his wife can spend.

A Successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Wise never marry.

and when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term.

It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow

what you can put off today.

This is for you all

 This is for you all

Software Engineer writes .............
Subject : Upgrade from a girlfriend to a wife

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0
and noticed that the
new program began unexpected child processing that
took up a lot of space
and valuable resources. No mention of this
phenomenon was included in the
product brochure.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other
programs and launches
during system initialization, where it monitors all
other system activity.
Applications such as Smoking 10.3, Boozing 2.5 and
Saturday Night Pubs 5.0
no longer run, crashing the system whenever
selected.
I can not to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while
attempting to run some
of my other favorite applications like Night Club 4.3,
Dance Drunk 2.0 and Bachlor Party 7.77.

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0,
but the un-install does
not work on this program. Once I tried to uninstall
Wife 1.0 but got this
error "General Protection Fault in module House Security.
The Uninstallation will abort."
Can you help me, please!!!


Reply from Tech. Support
************************

Dear Software Engineer,
Ref : Upgrade from a girlfriend to a wife

This is a very common problem men complain about,
but is mostly due to a
primary misconception. Many people upgrade from
Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0
with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES &
ENTERTAINMENT program.
Wife 1.0 is actually an OPERATING SYSTEM and
designed by its creator to run on
everything. It is unlikely you would be able to
purge Wife 1.0 and still
convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to
un-install, delete, or purge Wife
1.0 from the system once installed.
You can not go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife
1.0 is not designed to
do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0
or Wife 2.0 but end up
with more problems than the original system.
Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child
Support" which was given
to you at the time of registration with Wife 1.0.
I recommend you
keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.
Having Wife 1.0 installed
myself, I might also suggest you read the entire
section regarding General
Partnership Faults (GPFs).
The best course of action will be to enter the
command C:\ APOLOGIZE.
Infact I
would suggest u to use this command everytime Wife
1.0 crashes on your system.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but needs very high
maintenance. Consider buying
additional software to improve the performance of
Wife 1.0. I recommend
Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0 or Movies 4.5 which
will improve the performance of Wife 1.0

Do not, under any circumstances,
install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not
a supported application
for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.
Tech Support.

******************************************************************************

Hows the upgradation program? Do you have any such upgradation?Just for fun.

Top Ten Reasons Why It's Great To Be A Dog

Top Ten Reasons Why It's Great To Be A Dog

1. If it itches, you can reach it. And no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public.

2. No one notices if you have hair growing in weird places as you get older.

3. Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to take a bath every day, and you don't even have to comb your own hair.

4. Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health.

5. No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some people might actually think you're cute.

6. Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone or an old shoe can entertain you for hours.

7. You can spend hours just smelling stuff.

8. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner. You never have to worry about table manners, and if you gain weight, it's someone else's fault.

9. It doesn't take much to make you happy. You're always excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five minutes and come back.

10. Every garbage can looks like a cold buffet to you.

Some Comparisons

1. Girl and a Guitar: Both are pressed at the TOP
and PLAYED at the BOTTOM.
2. Girl and a Jet: A jet has a cock-pit and a Girl
has a Cock in the pit.
3. the SKY and the SKIRT. SKY : Covers whole of
universe SKIRT : Covers universal hole !
4. the SHIP and the GIRL. SHIP : Cuts through the water GIRL : Waters through the cut
5. GIRL in the church and the girl in the bath tub. Girl in the church will have soul full of hope Girl in bath tub will have hole full of soap
6. MEN's cricket and WOMEN's cricket MEN's cricket : There is a short leg between two long legs> WOMEN's cricket : There is a gully between two fine legs
7. the PHOTO and the GIRL PHOTO : Shot in the open and development is   done in the dark room GIRL : Shot in the dark room and development takes
place in open

Competetion

 A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like

his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read
'BEST DEALS.'

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right,
and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading
'LOWEST PRICES.'

The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the
biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read:
'MAIN ENTRANCE'

Car Technical support :


If People Thought of Cars like they do about Computers -
Tech-support
people will find this especially amusing... By: Unknown
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who
don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy
computers- but imagine if they did . . .
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened
HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"
HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your
battery and turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have
to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know!?"
HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a
needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"
CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?"
HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and
purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the
vendor to install it for you."
CUSTOMER: "What!?" I paid $12,000. for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with
everything built in!"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Your cars suck!"
HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"
CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator
pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it
crashed . and now it won't start!"
HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.
What do you expect us to do about it?"
CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that  doesn't crash anymore!"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car
because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power
steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in
my car!"