Competetion

 A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like

his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read
'BEST DEALS.'

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right,
and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading
'LOWEST PRICES.'

The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the
biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read:
'MAIN ENTRANCE'

Car Technical support :


If People Thought of Cars like they do about Computers -
Tech-support
people will find this especially amusing... By: Unknown
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General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who
don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy
computers- but imagine if they did . . .
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened
HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"
HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your
battery and turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have
to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know!?"
HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a
needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"
CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?"
HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and
purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the
vendor to install it for you."
CUSTOMER: "What!?" I paid $12,000. for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with
everything built in!"
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HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Your cars suck!"
HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"
CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator
pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it
crashed . and now it won't start!"
HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.
What do you expect us to do about it?"
CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that  doesn't crash anymore!"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car
because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power
steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in
my car!"