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Saturday, September 3, 2011

Sardar Story


Now this is a story all about Jeet
Who lived on New York's 14th Street

He graduated from college with a masters degree
In a field known as anthropology

He soon got a job in a research lab
But always complained "why's life so drab!"

He was constantly surrounded by geeks and nerds
With e equals m c squared their only words

He was a hard-core desi, I must say
But his wildest spirits were being kept at bay

Our desi veer could take this no more
So he decided to knock on his neighbor's door

His neighbor was a girl of Italian descent
Who spoke with an intriguing Brooklyn accent

Her name was Gina
And I wish I had seen 'er
Cause the way he had described her
Any guy would dig her!

Jeet and Gina started to date
And would hangout together till pretty late

"Meri Gori, Meri Sohni Gori" was all he'd say
"No one can come in between us - no way!"

But notorious Aunty Chugalkhor was on the prowl
She sensed something in the air - was it foul?

Oh yes yes yes -
She was definitely in luck
This, of all her stories
Would be a slam dunk!

She spotted her nephew in the mall
And that too ... oh gori de naal !!!

Well that surely did make Aunty's day
A successful field day for her, I must say!

She headed straight back home to make a call
Undoubtedly to Jeet's mum in Balowall

Jeet's mum could not believe her ears
"Oh mera beta," she cried, wiping her tears

She tried and tried to get hold of Jeet
But each time she'd call his answerer would beep!

Where on earth could the dude be?
Well that's your imagination -
Don't ask me!

Mum's patience finally started running out
So she left a message giving him the clout

"Oh JINNY GORI noo chhadd dey
Te vapas aja aithay!"

Jeet was obviously taken by surprise
Who the hell had blown his guise?

But now was not the time to guess
He had to quickly get outta this mess

He drummed up the courage to call his mum
But before he could speak,
someone shouted "YOU BUM!"

Of course it was mother in a terrible mood
And now was not the time to be a dude!

"OH tu Amrika vich kee karda phirda
Murrh ke aja te tera viah kardiyay aithay
Ik kurrhi hagayee barrhee piyarree
Te puree seva karugee teyree!"

But Jeet was clearly not impressed
It was Gina with whom he was so obsessed

He told his mum that that was no deal
And that his piyaar for Gina was the one for real

Once again mother hit the roof
She could not believe that
Jeet was such a goof!

She hung up the phone
And in the harshest of tones cried
"Mundiya - you're now on your own."

Just the next day ...
Jeet and Gina tied the knot
And their happiness together was easy to spot

The days went on ...
But with hardly a year gone ...

Jeet Singh started to realize
What was happening
To his wallet's size!

Was Gina just after his money?
Or did she really mean it
When she'd say "Oh honey!"

A few rotten thoughts crossed his mind
But he thought he was simply just going blind

But one sad day, Gina spilled the beans
She said she was leaving for New Orleans

She had met a guy called Tom,
And so wanted a divorce
Which left our young veer in such remorse

He remembered his mum's favorite words:
"Goreeyan da koee parosa nayee hunda"
And thought to himself:
"Wasn't I a brainless munda"

The divorce settlement did take place
And he lost half his assets -
Let alone his face!

His despair could always be seen in his eyes
But everyone knows that "desiness" never dies

He soon met Mad-Mats who taught him to rhyme
And ever since then:
- has been his constant chime !!!!!!

--kenchee aitho(n) maro--


O Balle Balle Balle ... YO YO YO!
The maddest and the baddest is back again
With another wild rap to drive you insane

So whoz the story 'bout this time?
Well its all 'bout Jeet - me partner'n rhyme

Remember the dude who married a gori?
Well he's back again in yet another story !!

Refresh your minds when the dude got dumped
When Gina suddenly said ciao and left him stumped

Now a year has passed since that sorrowful day
And our veer has since come a long way

He wrote a dozen letters to his dear mum
Saying "Maaf Karna Ji, I was a real bum!"

"Arranged Marriage,
Buss Arranged Marriage is the only true way
That an ishq connection will forever stay"

"Valentine's Day is almost here
And the smell of ishq is in the air!"

"So mummy ji, please find me a sohni vohti
Who'll make me the saag and maki di roti"

His mum read the letters and wept with joy
What wonderful words to hear from her boy!

"Oh Jeetya, mera beta, aja mera raja
I forgive you I forgive you so aja vayee aja"

"There's a beautiful and dutiful vohti for you
So chhaytee vapas aja and we'll find her for you"

Jeet jumped on a plane the very next day
And was soon back home eating paronthhay

Mummy ji then opened the album
And asked Jeet to make his selection

There was Neeti from Ludhiana and Preeti from Patiala
And Meena from Samrala and Reena from Ambala!

The photos of girls went on and on ...
And Jeet kept looking until 'twas dawn!

It sure was hard trying to choose
So Jeet thought ...
Let's meet them all there's nothing to lose!

His head was now spinning outta control
As he pulled out the dice and began to roll!

Three showed up, so who could that be?
Yep that meant a trip to see Preeti!

They got to Patiala just before four
And Preeti's father opened the door

They talked and talked for a quite a long while
And man, was it great to see everyone smile!

But then her dad learnt all 'bout Gina ...
Could Preeti marry Jeet? ... Na jee na!

Jeet's mum tried real hard to change his mind
Hoping that those events could be put behind ...

Mera beta is a top scientist in New York city
Working for a company making plenty of money

He drives a Toyota - yes a phully-loaded Camry!
And has a beautiful condo in the city

He is a caring and loving young man ofcourse
So let's not talk about his innocent divorce!

But Preeti's father was hard to convince
And in his eyes, Jeet was no prince!

So that then called for a trip to Jalandhar
To meet an MBBS girl called Narinder

She was sitting and reading on the balcony
Buried in a tome that read Human Anatomy

She wore glasses so thick - Jeet could swear ...
They were the latest in bullet-proof designer wear!

He asked her then if her nickname was Nerd
But she just looked away not saying a word!

Jeet then decided to show off his knowledge
By recalling something he'd learnt in college

The human body has 200 bones do you know ...
... 206 she interrupted but children have more

She then began naming them all
And Jeet just smiled and stared at the wall

She talked about Caesarean sections
And about heart bypass operations

But when the subject changed to vasectomies
Jeet just cringed and said: "Mummy, next please!"

So then to Jagraon they went to see Mohno
But Jeet messed up when he said: "Ki haal ai Moto!"

She glared at him right in the eye
And Jeet knew right then it was goodbye!

So the barfi and laddoo were still nowhere in sight
And everyone by now was dying for a bite!

In Chandigarh, Raunki was his mother's first choice
Who just loved to hear the sound of her own voice

She talked and talked and talked and talked
So Jeet just gave up and out he walked!

And then 'twas time to meet Jasmeen
A kurri from Delhi who was only nineteen

She opened the door and said:
"Hi, aap kaisay ho?"
And Jeet looked up and said "Oh no!"

What had happened to our piyaari boli?
That was the problem with the folks in Delhi!

In Ludhiana city, Jeet then met Neeti
An interesting girl though she looked past thirty!

And then down the road he went to see Reena
But her name sounded too much like Gina!

Mummy ji was now getting upset
On seeing how picky Jeet could get!

"Oh tu Jinny gori de naal na compare kar, rajay
Punjabi larkian vee bahut sohnian hundian ay
Yaad rakh ... beautiful te dutiful ...
Ay kurrian gulab de phul vargian hundian ay!"

So next in line was Moni ...
A pretty young woman with a Home Science degree

She was cooking in the kitchen when Jeet got there
Wow! Now his cupboard at least would never be bare!

But she brandished the belNa in such a way
That Jeet signaled his mum "cholo chaliyay!"

Jeet was now quite depressed
His life was more than totally messed

Rano turned him down because he was clean shaven
and Mano said no because he was five-feet-seven!

His mum's favorite words came to mind: "gulab de phul"
But now all he could think of was: "gobi de phul!"

Jeet decided to hit the local dhaba
And sat down to have an alloo da parontha

He just had taken his second bite
When he suddenly choked on a lovely sight

There she stood the woman of his dreams
Balle oh balle ... the queen of queens!

She was the prettiest woman he had ever seen
Prettier than any model in Vogue magazine!

But then he remembered he was in Ludhiana
And asking her for a date was totally mana!

There sure had to be another way
To at least say hi before she walked away

Jeet's eyes were glued in one direction
What was to be his plan of action?

But right at that moment came Jeet's biggest blow
When a kid ran up to her saying ..
"Mummy mummy, let's go!"

Jeet raised his arms in despair
What rotten luck he had to bear!

He called up Madmats the very next day
Saying he was packing his bags for Norway!

I hear out there that girls are real fine
Who think that dark guys are totally sublime

So all ye ladies in the house
Please help my veer find a spouse

He's losing his hair at an alarming rate
So he's got to marry before it's too late!

Madmats too is longing for some jalebi
And how can you forget - a wonderful bhabhi!

So please give Jeet some sound advice
So he never ever needs to roll the dice!!

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