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Thursday, September 1, 2011

Sardar Joke

 A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint
Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in
education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly
soul must answer two questions:

[1]. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
[2]. How many seconds are in a year?

The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...

1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even
though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in
a year?"

The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd,February 2nd,March 2nd, etc..."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word.

Three men were stranded on an uninhabited island. One was Hindu, one a
Muslim, and the other a Sardar. The only way back home was to swim 100
miles to the next island, which was inhabited. The Muslim was so
determined to get home that he tried to swim. He made it 50 miles, got
tired, and drowned. Then the Hindu tried. He made it 75 miles, but got
tired and drowned, too. The Surdar thought he could make it all the way,
so he started swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so
he swam all the way back to the island.

The Greatest Inventions planned by Prof. Santa Singh and Prof. Banta
1. Water-proof towel
2. Solar powered flashlight
3. Submarine screen door
4. A book on how to read
5. Inflatable dart board
6. A dictionary index
7. Ejector seat in a helicopter
8. Powdered water
9. Pedal-powered wheel chair
10. Water-proof tea bag

Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the United States.
They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot screamed
"The runway is ending!" The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up
in the air. They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment
they touch the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the
runaway is ending! The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in
the air. They make a big turn and start descending again. This goes on
again and again.
During their fourth descent the pilot says: "Look at those stupid
Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a
short runaway", "I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide
they made it."

Sardar Banta Singh went to the emergency room with the tip of his Index
finger blown off. "How did this happen?" the doctor asked. "Well I was
trying to commit suicide," Banta Singh replied. The doctor asked,
"Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?" "No, silly! First I
put the gun on my head and I thought my face would look horrible, then I
put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid Rs.1,000 to get my teeth
straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is
going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I
pulled the trigger. (There was nothing inside his head so bullet went
all the way out of his other ear)

Double Decker Bus Ride:
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get
into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom
seat. But unfortunate Banta, got pushed to the top. After a while when
the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see his friend Banta Singh. He
met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both
hands, scared to death. He says, "Oh Banta! What the heck's goin' on?
Why are you so scared? I was enjoying my ride down there? Scared Banta
replies. "Yeah, but you've got a driver.

Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started
thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing;
what are you thanking God for ?" The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him
for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise
I would have been missing too."

Once a Sardarji was traveling in a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the
guy sitting opposite him on the train Rs 20 to wake him up when the
station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for Rs 20, the
Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the
barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the
Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash
his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife
"What's the matter?" He replied "The cheat on the train has taken my Rs
20 and woken up someone else.

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbor, a Sardarji,
came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. He opened it,
looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into his house. A
little later he came out of his house again, looking nervous, went to
the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back
into the house he went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn,
here our Sardarji came again, looking very heated up. He marched to the
mailbox, opened it and then slammed it shut harder than ever. Puzzled by
his actions, the man asked him, "Is something wrong?" To which the
ferocious Sardar replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps
telling me I have mail!"

Once a Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes, but only if he brings
her a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears.
Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and
watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs
and angrily exclaims "71st and AGAIN barefoot!"

Once there was a train, which was going peacefully on the rail-tracks.
Suddenly the train deviated from the tracks, went onto the fields nearby
and then came back on the tracks. The passengers were horrified. On the
next railway station the driver was caught: He was found to be a Sardar.
He was questioned. He explained that there was a man standing on the
tracks and he was not moving from there even after blowing the horn,
flashing the lights etc. The authorities questioned: Sardarji are you
mad! Just to save the life of one person you put the lives of so many
passengers in danger. You should have run that person over. Sardar said:
That is exactly what I had decided, but this idiot started running
towards the field when the train got real close.

Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked
him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was okay, but for
the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and atlast I
wrote THUNK!!!"

Two Sardarjis are on a railway station. "Can I take this train to
Ludhiana?" asks the first. "No," answers the Railroad man. "Can I?" asks
the second Sardarji.

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