Read and enjoy the Signs

Read and enjoy the Signs

Read and enjoy the Signs…………………………………

# Sign on a  railway station at Patna:

Aana free, jaana  free,

pakde gaye to khana free.

#  Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay:

Don’t whistle at the girl going out from here.

She may be your grandmother!

# Seen on a  bulletin board:

Success is  relative

More the success, more the relatives.

# Sign at a  barber’s saloon in Juhu, Bombay:

we need your  heads to run our business.

# A traffic  slogan:

Don’t let your kids drive if they are not old enough – or else they never will  be…..

#THE BEST ONE:

Its God’s responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations

It’s our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god.”

- Indian Armed Forces 

Some Beautiful Quates

“The best advice I can give is to ignore advice.

Life is too short to be distracted by the opinions of others.”

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems

Gandhiji

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems but if u don’t know the answer it help to forgot the Question

Vijay Malya

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Me

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

 Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

 There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – don’t and stop, unless they are used together.

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the Next morning you will have a flat tire.

Live Each Day As If There Is No Tomorrow

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone

The Power of One

10 Reasons

   Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women
     (and what they actually mean)


10. I think of you as a brother.
    (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in
   "Deliverance.")

9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
   (I don't want to do my dad.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
  (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.
  (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear
  phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend.
  (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)

5. I don't date men where I work.
  (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system',
    much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me.
  (It's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career.
  (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better
   than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate.
  (I've sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let's be friends.
  (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating
  detail  about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's the male    
  perspective thing.)


In response...The male perspective on the same issue...

   Top 10 rejection lines given by Men
    (and what they actually mean...)

10. I think of you as a sister.
   (You're ugly.)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
  (You're ugly.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
  (You're ugly.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.
  (You're ugly.)

6. I've got a girlfriend.
  (You're ugly.)

5. I don't date women where I work.
 (You're ugly.)

4. It's not you, it's me.
 (You're ugly.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career.
 (You're ugly.)

2. I'm celibate.
 (You're ugly.)

1. Let's be friends.
 (You're sinfully ugly.)


PASS THIS ON TO AT LEAST 4 PERSONS OR WILL GET REJECTED FOR THE
REST OF YOUR LIFE!

This is too good. don't miss it!

This is too good. don't miss it!

HI! THESE ARE THE FEW ESSENCE OF LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! -

Money is not everything.

There's Mastercard & Visa.

One should love animals.

They are so tasty.

Save water.

Shower with your friend.

Love thy neighbor.

But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman.

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

A successful man is one who can earn more than his wife can spend.

A Successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Wise never marry.

and when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term.

It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow

what you can put off today.

This is too good. don't miss it!

This is too good. don't miss it!

HI! THESE ARE THE FEW ESSENCE OF LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! -

Money is not everything.

There's Mastercard & Visa.

One should love animals.

They are so tasty.

Save water.

Shower with your friend.

Love thy neighbor.

But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman.

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

A successful man is one who can earn more than his wife can spend.

A Successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Wise never marry.

and when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term.

It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow

what you can put off today.

Computer and Gender

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns,
unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine
or feminine. Things like "chalk"or "pencil," she described,
would have a gender association - even though in English, these words
were neutral. Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked,
"What gender is a computer?"
The teacher wasn't certain, so divided the class into two groups and asked
them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine.
One group was composed of the women in the class, and the other, of men.
Both groups were asked to give four reasons for recommendation. The group of
women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender
because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve yourproblems, but half the time they
are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that,if you had waited a little
longer, you could have had a better model.!!!!

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be
referred to as the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate withother computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later
retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half
your paycheck on accessories for it.!!!!

Life

Life

Life isn't about keeping score.
It's not about how many friends you have
Or how accepted you are.
Not about if you have plans this weekend or if
you're alone.
It isn't about who you're dating, who you used to
date, how many
people you've dated, or if you haven't been with
anyone at all.
It isn't about who you have kissed,
It's not about sex.
It isn't about who your family is or how much money
they have
Or what kind of car you drive.
Or where you are sent to school.
It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are.
Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on,
or what kind of
music you listen to.
It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black,
or brown
Or if your skin is too light or too dark.
Not about what grades you get, how smart you are,
how smart
everybody else thinks you are, or how smart
standardized tests say you
are.
It's not about what clubs you're in or how good you
are at "your"
sport.
It's not about representing your whole being on a
piece of paper
and seeing who will "accept the written you."

LIFE JUST ISN'T.

But, life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It's about who you make happy or unhappy
purposefully.
It's about keeping or betraying trust.
It's about friendship, used as a sanctity or a
weapon.
It's about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful,
maybe heartening.
About starting rumors and contributing to petty
gossip.
It's about what judgments you pass and why. And
who your
judgments are spread to.
It's about who you've ignored with full control and
intention.
It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge.
It's about carrying inner hate and love, letting it
grow, and
spreading it.
But most of all, it's about using your life to
touch or poison
other people's hearts in such a way that could have
never occurred
alone.
Only you choose the way those hearts are affected,
and those
choices are what life's all about.

Habits of Current Generation for Conversation

SIGNS THAT YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH OF THE 90'S

1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3

4. You e-mail your buddy who works at the desk next to you to
     ask: "Do you wanna go get a coke?"; and he replies: "Yeah,
     give me five Mins"

5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South
     America, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbour
     yet this year.

6. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that
     they are not online.

7. Your idea of being organised is multiple coloured post-it notes.

8. You hear most of your jokes via email rather than in person.

9. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer
     the phone in a business like manner.

10. When you make phone calls from home, you automatically
     dial a "0" to get an outside line.

11. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.

12. You really get excited about a 1.7% pay increase.

13. You know exactly how many days you've got left until you retire.

14. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.

15. Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in the hospital.

16. You're already late on the assignment you just received.

17. Your relatives and friends describe your job as "works with computers".

18. You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.

.....................AND THE CLINCHERS ARE..........................

19. You read this entire list and you keep nodding and smiling.

20. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your
     "friends you send jokes to" e-mail group.

21. It crosses your mind that your "jokes group" may have already seen this
     list but you don't have time to check so you forward it anyway.

One liners Notes

One Liners

  If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

  Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live
  with.

  Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

  Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you
  left them to where you can't find them.

  Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

  The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
  appreciates how difficult it was.

  It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as
  warning to others.

  Ray's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

  Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems. It's easy to
  criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.

  Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

  If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

  A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

  Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

  For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

  Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

  To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
  research.
 
  To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
  principles.

  You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

  The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

  A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

  If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
  before.

  Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

  Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

  Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

  Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Know Something New..u don't know

          Everybody, Somebody, Nobody & Anybody


 Once upon a time, there were four people;

  Their names were Everybody, Somebody, Nobody and Anybody.

  Whenever there was an important job to be done, Everybody was sure
  that Somebody would do it.

  Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

  When Nobody did it, Everybody got angry because it was Everybody's
  job.

  Everybody thought that Somebody would do it, but Nobody realized that
  Nobody would do it.

  So consequently Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody
  could have done in the first place.